It's hard to live for truth

It just crossed my mind how we can be contented with our lives right now and say we're happy.

I've done so much things not for myself and i can say that i am tired and i want to satisfy myself this time.

I want to demand a reward for all the voluntary good i've done.

I want to rest. I want to stop.

I want to please myself longer than this.

...

but i can't

who am i to say that what i've done is enough?

who am i to specify what reward i must get?

who am i?

...

I am a son who watches my prodigal siblings enjoy their wealth

I am a servant who serves and gets paid with promises

I am a civilian who suffers in justice

...

I lack faith

I envy people

I dream of earthly pleasure

...

I pray.

Help me Master.